I made a booboo a few weeks ago, and I can’t seem to forget about it. A friend, whom I thought was a good friend, is still pissed off at me about it. Yeah, yeah, sure – she recently relayed to a mutual friend of ours that she’s “okay” with me already, but my female gut instinct tells me that she still thinks I’m the pus that feeds the fungus at the bottom of an extremely mucky and muddy pond (just gotta paraphrase that line from Julia in My Best Friend's Wedding; it seems so darned appropriate at this time).
I’ve analysed and re-analysed this black hole that I’m stuck in. WTF happened?! I set up a dinner with my friends one boring Wednesday evening. Two, Jane* and Kiwi* immediately replied. Both said yes to the invitation. So, I meticulously noted down the date on my calendars (that’s how obsessive-compulsive I can be – having several calendars, I mean: on my MS Outlook, my mobile phone, and my PDA) and wait for Wednesday.
The day arrived. I texted Jane and Kiwi to confirm the dinner. Kiwi texted back: “Sorry. Am sick @ home. Can’t believe it! But y’all still have fun tonight.” Jane never bothered to reply. Another friend, Diane*, texted me that same afternoon, wanting to hook up with us, too. So, I called Jane’s office to again confirm her attendance. No answer. “Her mobile, perhaps?,” I thought. Nope, no answer there either – just a pre-recorded network voice message saying she can’t be reached. Hence, I texted Diane back, “Sorry, sweetie. Dinner not pushing thru tonight. Jane hasn’t confirmed anything, and Kiwi’s sick @ home. See yah soon anyway!”
I arranged a dinner date with another friend, then, and had a blast, sans Jane, Kiwi, and Diane. At eleven o’clock that evening, though, I checked my mobile, which has been buried inside my gym bag. Hmmm… Seven missed calls and eleven messages… the latter, unfortunately, are mostly composed of Jane’s ire (no pun intended). Last message went something like this: “Where are you?! I’ve been waiting for more than an hour here already! I’m going home. If you wanted to cancel, you should have contacted me first.”
WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!! Bu… bu… but I did! So I texted her again once… twice… three times. Two apologetic text messages were sent that night. Another one was sent the next morning. I tried to make the apology sound serious. Tried to make the situation sound funny, yet the apology sincere. Tried to be assertive about it. Tried to reach out and be friends again – after making an apology. And, also tried to take any and all blame for what had transpired… Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Pfffft. That’s what I got as an answer from Jane.
I feel like the queen of all bad bad bad people in this cruel world. I told myself that I’ve done my part and that I should get over it. If Jane can’t see past it, then that’s the end of our friendship, I suppose. It sounds so girly and high-school-y, to me, but what the heck do I know? I’ve accepted this major faux pas, acted on it, and charged it to experience, but it still irks.
Therefore, this is the key lesson I’ve learned and wish to publish in blog history: check your damn mobile phone every five seconds, so you don’t feel like crap if ever somebody does miraculously call or text you especially when you least expect it. Your version of Jane would sure appreciate it.
*Names changed, for the sakes of propriety and of mine.
4 comments:
Hi Kim. That's happened to me a few times in the past. Sometimes, communication fails. Even if we have cell phones, messaging systems, e-mail, telephones, answering machines, voicemail, etc...these things sometimes happen. It's a pain in the butt sometimes. I know what it's like to be on both sides: having my message not received and not receiving a message. It can surely make you ticked off, especially if you're waiting for ages.
It's important for both parties to realize that if it was indeed a breakdown in communication, then don't have a hissy fit over something that could not have been controlled. However, if the person didn't return any messages on purpose or ignored the messages you sent, THEN I'd be pissed.
*sigh* To think...technology is supposed to make our lives easier ;)
Heya Chrissy! You know what? Yer right. I never thought about it that way - about technology supposedly making our lives easier. Coz it's sure messed up mine a few times.
As Aunt Mae said to Peter Parker in Spider-Man 3: "You first do the hardest thing - forgive yourself." (Corny, but true.) And that, I think, I've already accomplished, at least in relation to the misunderstanding with Jane. I don't know if she's still pissed, but I haven't heard from her in quite a while, which is unusual for her, since we used to text each other a lot. Oh, well. At least, I've learned my lesson... technology sucks. But it's also the avenue that directed me to "Life in Manitoulin." So, at the same time, it can't be all that bad.
You rock, Chrissy!
Awwww...thanks, Kim! You're such a pal! ;)
I often think of how technology is supposed to help make our lives easier and more efficient, but then I realize that if it can make us do things faster, then it also means that we can pile on more work to do too! Know what I mean?
Missed messages, delayed messages... and text messages, voicemail, e-mail that have been misinterpreted have caused a few problems for me in the past too. Sometimes the way someone perceives an e-mail can be totally different from what was intended. Oh, and those dreaded missed messages or delayed messages!!! That can cause one heck of a mess!
Once, my friend and I were texting back and forth so we could meet up for dinner and drinks after work, and then he texted back that he had to work late. I texted back to say I'd wait and then he texted back "See you then". I waited and waited and was pissed when it was 10PM and he was nowhere in sight. I sent him a mean text and said that it was rude to not meet up. He called me because the text messaging wasn't effective and it was getting us both pissed off. It was a misunderstanding and "See you then" didn't mean "See you after I get done work". It meant more like "See ya later" (you know, the general 'see ya later' with no specific time in mind...like maybe tomorrow or whenever). We both laugh at that now. Poor guy. He must have thought I was such a spazz! He really put up with a lot being my friend! LOL! This is one of the reasons I don't use text messaging much now. I was addicted to it in Japan. Crazy.
I'm glad we found each other too, Kim. I have to thank PJ for randomly finding me. He told me he just clicked "next blog"! LOL! Then I have to thank Conne because your blog was linked to hers too. So, you're right. Technology isn't THAT bad! ;)
This actually happens all the time. Don't beat yourself up over it. At least from now on, you can rely on your experience to have your phone nearby. And also, you can discuss things with your friend Jane that you had been trying to reach her but she doesn't have a voicemail (this person cannot be reached right now means there's no voicemail, right?)
Anyway, it's unfortunate that this happens... and alot of people stop being friends because of this technical problem. I've had people accusing me of not trying to call at all. Damned if you, damned if you don't.
Hope things work out better for you.
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